I'm an Okie.

I've lived in Oklahoma for five years now. Four of those glorious years were spent at Oklahoma State University, where I was considered an "out of state student." I was a Texan...one of many. An obnoxious, "my state is better than your state," blue bonnet loving, Texas flag hanging, "I can handle hotter foods than you," "our beer has more alcohol than yours," Alamo promoting, Pat Green singing, Texan. What can I say? The stars at night, are big and bright (sorry).

Well, I've been in Oklahoma as a working resident for a whole year now.....I guess that means I should change my license before I get pulled over....again. After a year of putting it off, I decided it was finally time. Getting a sideways license AND an Oklahoma license in one day? It was a big change.

Side note: An Okla. license has your weight on it (I subtracted 5 pounds - don't judge, you would have done the same. I'm gonna lose that weight soon anyways, right?!)

One would assume the process of changing your license to a different state may be slightly difficult. You'd guess three, maybe four hours tops, at the DMV, right? Wrong.

I woke up at my usual time, ate a scrumptious breakfast of bacon and eggs, curled my hair and headed down to the DMV. I arrived sometime between 9:15 and 9:30 (I was supposed to be at work by 1 p.m. - I had plenty of time). My phone had around 65% battery - it'd last. Wrong again.

Six hours later (yes, you read that right, SIX!) I was finally out of there and headed to the Tag Agency (yes, Texans, in Oklahoma you have to go to two separate locations - weird, I know - and they print the license for you on the spot).  You may be picturing me impatiently fidgeting, my restless leg syndrome kicking in with the occasional huffs and puffs as I waited those painful six hours. Normally, you wouldn't be too far off, but somehow, thank you Jesus, I managed to stay cool, calm and collected. I was really thankful that I had eaten that hearty breakfast because there was no way I was leaving to go get lunch.

The DMV was full of really classy people (sarcasm). One lady had black, rotting teeth. Another smelled like garlic (I guess she wanted to keep the vamps away). There was a white trash three-year-old boy who was jumping off the chairs and hissing at me while crawling around on the floor (he was the type of attention whore child that was probably really sticky with a lot of ear wax...gross). I was about to slap him upside the head; lucky for him, his mother, who resembled Mama June, couldn't handle the long wait. They left just in the nick of time.

The sista across from me, we'll call her Sweet Brown, was smart enough to bring the iPad she bought with her welfare checks (I wish I had thought the bring mine....it sure would have helped pass the time when my phone died). However, Sweet Brown forgot her headphones. The entire room was stuck listening to some ghetto version of "Row row row your hoe" and a Madea movie.




Last but not least: creeper guy. He started getting super chatty with me around noon (keep in mind that chatty = incoherent, incessant mumbling). Topics of conversation include, but are not limited to: the probability we'd get struck by lightening, the Kentucky Derby, asking what a magazine was, the increase of the number of people living in Edmond, FarmVille friends and a very strange form of randomly laughing to himself. My normal tactics of ignoring while appearing to text didn't stand a chance. He just kept mumbling.


For any of you needing to make a trip to the DMV soon, try out this brand new service they offer: appointments. They're worth it, trust me. I wasn't aware they existed until two hours into the day or else I would have taken full advantage of them. But, if you are a poor soul who gets stuck waiting all day, bring hand sanitizer, headphones, snacks, a book, an iPad, a phone charger....something! And make sure you pee before hand (they don't have a bathroom).

Now, I'm officially an Okie. Although the DMV gives a terrible impression of Oklahoma, I'm still glad I can officially call this state home.